Monday, November 22, 2010
There's a part of me with an agenda. This part wants to go, go, go! Gotta get it done...gotta move. This part says write more, tweet more, post more! She's all about results. She's focused on the feedback. She's not a feeler; she's a do-er.
And in the background lies another part.
The creator. The dreamer. The one who is inspired. The one who wants to take her time...to feel it out. The one who will not rush perfection. The one who will not take fingers to keyboard until the spirit moves her. She's the one with the story to tell. She holds all the cards.
And often I sit back and let them fight it out.
They both love me. They both want what is best. They want us to grow; to inspire; to share that which longs to be shared! It's my job to bring them together. It's important I let motivation meet inspiration. They are both needed...both appreciated. One cannot live without the other. One cannot shine without the other.
The pragmatist and the poet can coexist in me. They carry me forth! And though the latter may exhaust me with her nagging, and the former may make me roll my eyes with her ideals, I embrace them both. They are me. And together we make things happen. We shake it up. We roll.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
You're pumped. You've got it now. You know that you are meant to shine. You know that you are going to lead, to inspire and to empower. You can see it all laid out before you. There's nothing you can't do! And yet...
Within you're still scared. Within you still hold anger. Within you still feel like you have something to prove.
And so your light still shines, but there's something about it. There's something forced, something strained, something not quite true...because you hold back. And you are loved and we see your capacity for courageous authenticity. We see it!
Perhaps though, you're not ready and that's ok.
And let me be clear. We want you to speak. We want you to share your gifts! You are so needed and we value your voice. But it's ok to be broken. It's ok to be lost. It's ok to admit you're not quite sure and that you don't always feel your worthiness.
People will still come. People will still listen. And they shall surely be moved!
Because it's real. Because you are honest! We feel it. We feel the struggle and are awed by the victory...inspired by the lesson learned!
You are so loved my dear. And if you're not ready, it's ok. Do it anyway and tell us that too. And one day it will all be effortless. One day you and your truth will be one and the same: one light shining and showing the way...telling us what is possible.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
We spend so much of our childhoods thinking of what we will be when we grow up. We toss around so many ideas. I know for myself my options ran the gamut between ballerina, taxidermist, actress, translator and dermatologist! In my mind I was a well-rounded young woman ;) When we actually get there though...when we arrive at the precipice that is Senior Year, it gets scary....it gets real. We think that what we choose for college determines with absolute certainty the unfolding of our adult life. It, of course, does not. It sets a tone perhaps, but it's all good.
What can make it messy is when our egos get involved. After college is over and the job hunt begins, we can become much too attached to what comes our way. We can begin to make who we are as an extension of our job. Really though, the opposite is what is needed. The world needs people whose work is an extension of who they are.
So what's the difference? Feeling.
I used to work in research. I thought it was a good job and I definitely worked with people who LOVED what they did and were damn good at it. I was not one of those people. I convinced myself I was though. At the age of 27, I even considered putting off having a 2nd child because I knew my boss wouldn't like it. Insane? Perhaps. Uncommon? Good God no. My feelings surrounding this research job were rooted in fear. I desperately sought approval from bosses and colleagues alike and truly felt like I could not find a better job.
Once I was finally able to put all that validation-seeking, wretched, fear-filled ego stuff aside, my purpose started appearing in little glimpses here and there. I decided that my misery wasn't worth any perceived prestige surrounding the job. There was a strong feeling within me knowing there was something better.
It didn't come right away. I made a few mistakes and that's OK. I had moments of doubt ultimately superseded by moments of unwavering faith! I knew it would come. I knew I had to slowly let go of what I thought I should be doing. As I did that it became clearer and clearer.
I love to write. I am good at it. I am a writer. In that order. The moment I cease to LOVE to write, the latter 2 statements become false. End of story.
In the meantime though, I write. It is an extension of who I am. I am what I do and I love it. I live what I love.