Wednesday, December 1, 2010
I am having a kick-ass day today. My heart is open. I am calm within. I am breathing deeply, smiling with fervour, taking it all in stride. I love days like this. And yet inside there's a little squeaky voice that whispers "Enjoy it while it lasts!". And I really want to shut her up...tell her to "Beat it!". But I know better.
Chances are that this high will last a few days and trust me, I will soak up every little drop. I will feel the love and reflect it back to all who cross my path. I will. But I know I am healing. I am forgiving. I am slowly letting go. And I know that this means there will be days where all the stuff I have declared I am ready to deal with will come back. It bubble up to the surface and smacks me in the face (lovingly of course).
I go there. I sink down to feel the hurt, to absorb the nastiness. And I sit and observe it all with a loving awareness. I know that only love is real and that all this other stuff is me thinking wrongly...me thinking that events, people and circumstances were against me. Because of course that is not true. It's all good. It's all for me to grow in love and to become clearer about how to serve the world.
So I don't jump the highs to skip the lows. I did that. It doesn't work. I used food, boyfriends and booze. None of it worked. There's something about this path though that gives me hope. I know I've stumbled onto something here. While trying to skip a puddle, I fell and found love there. Love was there in a muddy, stinky puddle. Yes indeed, it was there all along.