I realized today that I dislike the term "nice". I have been called nice all of my life. "Danielle is a nice girl." What does that really mean though? Danielle complies. Danielle doesn't argue. Danielle tells you what you want to hear. Yes, that's what it means.
And in truth, I deserved the term for that is how I acted. Of course I had my brief moments of boldness, but mainly, I played nice. It's a defense mechanism right? If I let you believe I love everything about you, you'll love me back. We'll never fight and all will be well. This is love right? Love is pretending...right? Because if you knew who I really was...if you knew how nervous, how unsure, how silly I can be you would surely run - fast - in the other direction. So to protect myself, to protect our love, I'll be nice. I will be who I think I need to be so that you never find out who I am.
How well did this work for me? In short, it didn't. Most people are smarter than that. They can sniff out insincerity a mile away. What I know now is that I was born to be a certain way in the world and that if I deny that, I deny the world. I deprive those around me of truth, of love and of perfection. And so while I refuse to be nice, I resolve to be kind. It is in my nature to be so as it is in yours. I can be kind and be myself completely. I can be kind and agree with not a word you say. This is how it is. Take it or leave it. And you if you leave it, meh...I love you anyway.
Photo Credit
This is true of a lot of people. I never really acted liked this until my first relationship, and I wanted to be flexible, except I wasn't really flexible, I was someone else in order to appear flexible. It didn't work out. I've learned that you just have to be you, and your right, people can sniff out a fake.
ReplyDeleteI love your blog!
ReplyDeleteHave a nice time!
Paula