Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
I am having a kick-ass day today. My heart is open. I am calm within. I am breathing deeply, smiling with fervour, taking it all in stride. I love days like this. And yet inside there's a little squeaky voice that whispers "Enjoy it while it lasts!". And I really want to shut her up...tell her to "Beat it!". But I know better.
Chances are that this high will last a few days and trust me, I will soak up every little drop. I will feel the love and reflect it back to all who cross my path. I will. But I know I am healing. I am forgiving. I am slowly letting go. And I know that this means there will be days where all the stuff I have declared I am ready to deal with will come back. It bubble up to the surface and smacks me in the face (lovingly of course).
I go there. I sink down to feel the hurt, to absorb the nastiness. And I sit and observe it all with a loving awareness. I know that only love is real and that all this other stuff is me thinking wrongly...me thinking that events, people and circumstances were against me. Because of course that is not true. It's all good. It's all for me to grow in love and to become clearer about how to serve the world.
So I don't jump the highs to skip the lows. I did that. It doesn't work. I used food, boyfriends and booze. None of it worked. There's something about this path though that gives me hope. I know I've stumbled onto something here. While trying to skip a puddle, I fell and found love there. Love was there in a muddy, stinky puddle. Yes indeed, it was there all along.
Monday, November 22, 2010
There's a part of me with an agenda. This part wants to go, go, go! Gotta get it done...gotta move. This part says write more, tweet more, post more! She's all about results. She's focused on the feedback. She's not a feeler; she's a do-er.
And in the background lies another part.
The creator. The dreamer. The one who is inspired. The one who wants to take her time...to feel it out. The one who will not rush perfection. The one who will not take fingers to keyboard until the spirit moves her. She's the one with the story to tell. She holds all the cards.
And often I sit back and let them fight it out.
They both love me. They both want what is best. They want us to grow; to inspire; to share that which longs to be shared! It's my job to bring them together. It's important I let motivation meet inspiration. They are both needed...both appreciated. One cannot live without the other. One cannot shine without the other.
The pragmatist and the poet can coexist in me. They carry me forth! And though the latter may exhaust me with her nagging, and the former may make me roll my eyes with her ideals, I embrace them both. They are me. And together we make things happen. We shake it up. We roll.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
You're pumped. You've got it now. You know that you are meant to shine. You know that you are going to lead, to inspire and to empower. You can see it all laid out before you. There's nothing you can't do! And yet...
Within you're still scared. Within you still hold anger. Within you still feel like you have something to prove.
And so your light still shines, but there's something about it. There's something forced, something strained, something not quite true...because you hold back. And you are loved and we see your capacity for courageous authenticity. We see it!
Perhaps though, you're not ready and that's ok.
And let me be clear. We want you to speak. We want you to share your gifts! You are so needed and we value your voice. But it's ok to be broken. It's ok to be lost. It's ok to admit you're not quite sure and that you don't always feel your worthiness.
People will still come. People will still listen. And they shall surely be moved!
Because it's real. Because you are honest! We feel it. We feel the struggle and are awed by the victory...inspired by the lesson learned!
You are so loved my dear. And if you're not ready, it's ok. Do it anyway and tell us that too. And one day it will all be effortless. One day you and your truth will be one and the same: one light shining and showing the way...telling us what is possible.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
We spend so much of our childhoods thinking of what we will be when we grow up. We toss around so many ideas. I know for myself my options ran the gamut between ballerina, taxidermist, actress, translator and dermatologist! In my mind I was a well-rounded young woman ;) When we actually get there though...when we arrive at the precipice that is Senior Year, it gets scary....it gets real. We think that what we choose for college determines with absolute certainty the unfolding of our adult life. It, of course, does not. It sets a tone perhaps, but it's all good.
What can make it messy is when our egos get involved. After college is over and the job hunt begins, we can become much too attached to what comes our way. We can begin to make who we are as an extension of our job. Really though, the opposite is what is needed. The world needs people whose work is an extension of who they are.
So what's the difference? Feeling.
I used to work in research. I thought it was a good job and I definitely worked with people who LOVED what they did and were damn good at it. I was not one of those people. I convinced myself I was though. At the age of 27, I even considered putting off having a 2nd child because I knew my boss wouldn't like it. Insane? Perhaps. Uncommon? Good God no. My feelings surrounding this research job were rooted in fear. I desperately sought approval from bosses and colleagues alike and truly felt like I could not find a better job.
Once I was finally able to put all that validation-seeking, wretched, fear-filled ego stuff aside, my purpose started appearing in little glimpses here and there. I decided that my misery wasn't worth any perceived prestige surrounding the job. There was a strong feeling within me knowing there was something better.
It didn't come right away. I made a few mistakes and that's OK. I had moments of doubt ultimately superseded by moments of unwavering faith! I knew it would come. I knew I had to slowly let go of what I thought I should be doing. As I did that it became clearer and clearer.
I love to write. I am good at it. I am a writer. In that order. The moment I cease to LOVE to write, the latter 2 statements become false. End of story.
In the meantime though, I write. It is an extension of who I am. I am what I do and I love it. I live what I love.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
When I finally admitted to myself that which my soul knew all along I sighed. It was as if, in an instant, my whole body just relaxed. That important concession was this: I am not alone. None of us are alone. And this is so incredible to know! What is it you want to do? What do you feel compelled to share today? And now that you are aware of this loving energy that surrounds you, can you approach your task with confidence? Can you face your world with determination now?
For too long I wallowed. I lamented that life was hard...that I would have to struggle and succumb to that which I did not desire to do. This is a lie. We are not victims of life, we are conscious creators of it. All that surrounds you was created by you. You, with your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, vibration made all that is within your grasp.
So now the question is: are you happy with your creation? If not, may I suggest a conscious life partnership? I speak not of husband nor wife, but of a co-creation with the spirit that moves you. There is a loving force that some call God, others the Universe, or intuition or Allah or Krishna. (I could go on. We have great love for that which bestow many names!) And you may be helped by this force at anytime.
Just be willing.
And then breathe.
Ask for help.
And then one day...
You will wake up with a knowing so deep and so pure that you will want to cry out! Or maybe for you it will be slow-brewing faith. However it shows up for you is unimportant, but I can promise you this: when that sweet knowing shows up, you will recognize it for what it is...the truth. And the truth is that we are not alone. You go through life guided. You approach every situation with a force that has only your highest and best interest at heart. You spread your wings with love at your back. And with that, my friend, you fly.
Monday, October 18, 2010
It has been an endeavour of mine these past 11 months to speak the truth...to acknowledge what is and to not hold back. I realized just a few minutes ago that I have. I have held back.
The possession of it, the lack of it, the spending of it has been a recurring theme in my life with my husband. We had a mindset that led us to believe we never had enough and that there was always something on the horizon that would keep us from saving or getting ahead in any way.
The truth is that the only thing standing between us and financial abundance was, well...us! As long as we felt like we were lacking, that would be our experience. It has not mattered if we have both been employed, one of us unemployed, being sued, or on parental leave; we have always had enough. No one has ever come with an eviction notice, and our cars have never been towed away in the middle of the night. (And if this is your reality it is merely a stronger, louder lesson.) We did however get the phone calls, had to borrow from parents and took out way too much credit. This we did because we were not listening...were not paying attention. We are always taken care of, loved, encouraged and empowered by the Universe.
Not just us...you too.
There were always lessons waiting in the wings. We could ignore them, deny them, but they would keep coming on and would grow in intensity. Our lesson was: you have more than enough; you can pursue your dream, we need you to do so. This showed up in many ways: loss of jobs, larger than normal bills, unexpected cheques, lawsuits, chance meetings, inspirational books etc. These things happen everyday and if we actually pay attention, the miracles can occur!
It just keeps getting better.
While living in the red for so long took its toll emotionally, physically and spiritually, it taught us some HUGE lessons about how the Universe works. You get what you give. We feel prosperous. We have deep appreciation for all that exists in our lives at this very moment. We have a strong need to give back, to serve. As a result, our lives and our bank balances are drastically changed. The truth is like that. And my truth is: I have more than enough and I always have.