I Hear You

I find I am becoming a better listener as I get older. It really sheds some light on what a terrible listener I used to be. Don't get me wrong, I was interested in what other people had to say. It's just that I was also very keen on sharing my own thoughts on the subject. This often meant repeating "Uh-huh", nodding impatiently waiting for my turn to talk or just plain old interrupting.

We all want to be heard and to be accepted for what we are trying to express. When I was younger, I really only spoke in order to be agreed with...to feel noticed, to feel smart. I seldom spoke to express my true feelings or my genuine self. That would be too scary! I became an expert at "Feeling the room"...sensing the vibe, where people were coming from and then just saying what I thought would get the most amount of "Yeah exactly!" from people.

When we really listen though, I believe we open up to kindness and understanding. If we are truly hearing the other person we send out the "It's OK. I love you." vibe. This kind of listening allows us to speak truthfully from the core of who we are. We feel safe and cared for knowing that our words land in the lap of love.

Isn't this the kind of communication we want? When we see the people we love, don't we want to *really* know how they are? Aren't those honesty breakthroughs amazing?

I start by blessing the person I am talking to. I make sure I maintain eye contact and encourage them with smiles, looks of concern etc. I also make sure I reach out and touch them when appropriate. This kind of listening continues to help deepen my relationships. I still fumble now and then, but when I make the commitment to send out the message "I Hear You", I have the luxury of actually doing just that.